Today is a day where I struggle a little bit more. It’s a day when I look back at photos of my children as babies and I shed more than a tear or two. Today is a day I long for a regular pregnancy. You know. One that doesn’t cost as much as a new car. Today, I yearn for the little tiny feet that are not in our home. Today the pain is white hot and today, I’ll allow myself to cry a little.

Years ago as a young newlywed, Sean and I talked about babies and dreamed of filling our hearts with memories of pregnancies and children. We had so much hope and we knew that we would do everything we could to be good parents. Well, years later, injections, doctors, $$$$$, and so much blood work, not to mention a ridiculous amount of legwork with insurance companies, we do have two children. We have been unbelievably blessed.  Well… We can all feel it in our hearts that we want to have another baby.

“Dear Lauren… insurance costs are skyrocketing, treatment costs are rising, babies are further from you than ever before. Sincerely, the world..”  Now that it’s December and open enrollment is going on, I am looking at the cost and the coverage. As always, a sick feeling in my gut as I call companies to double check their coverage and the words “no infertility coverage provided” along with “patient’s out of pocket expense 100%” is a hard one to read. Of course, I can have many other things that I won’t even get into on here because #politics and yet… my ovaries get zero help without the cost of our monthly premium basically going sky-high.

Anyways, that’s all. I just had so much pain in my heart today that I wanted to look back on my beautiful children as babies and remember that joy. Remember the day we had a positive pregnancy test. Remember the two times that taking a pregnancy test didn’t end with me feeling like a failure.  Getting it out of my head helps.

So I guess today I’ll blog.

#iui #ivf #injections #infertility #wishfullady #emotional

10 Comments

  1. Anonymous December 8, 2016 at 10:20 am - Reply

    Praying for you and Sean Lauren, and for the Lord’s beautiful plan for your family. ❤️

  2. Sarah December 8, 2016 at 11:01 am - Reply

    Hi Lauren. I am so sorry for your struggles, I can feel your pain through your writing. It must be heartbreaking. But , yes, you are lucky to be blessed with two little ones 🙂 This is one of my biggest fears in life, having trouble getting pregnant. I have PCOS and I’m scared it will be tough. My husband and I plan on trying within the next year, so I’m not sure what it’s going to be like. I guess I won’t know til we try! I’m just paranoid with my PCOS diagnosis. Anyway, just wanted to thank you for posting and allowing me to reach out with such intimate fears.

  3. lespetitsclarks December 8, 2016 at 3:47 pm - Reply

    Sending you some love today sweet mama. <3 Your babies are just gorgeous and you are too!!

    • Lauren December 10, 2016 at 10:21 pm - Reply

      You’re so sweet. Thank you

  4. jeeyoung | life + style December 8, 2016 at 7:35 pm - Reply

    All my love and prayers. Thanks for sharing your story. You are so amazing my friend.

    • Lauren December 10, 2016 at 10:23 pm - Reply

      Thank you so much JeeYoung! You’re so kind.

  5. The Mama Journey December 9, 2016 at 11:49 am - Reply

    You have such beautiful children! I am sorry your heart has to feel so heavy sweet lady. I hope you find the answer you’re searching for. ❤

    • Lauren December 10, 2016 at 10:23 pm - Reply

      Thank you so much for your supportive words! They mean so much

  6. lovinglittledixie December 9, 2016 at 1:52 pm - Reply

    Insurance rates are HORRIBLE right now, and definitely not “affordable.” I’m so sorry you are feeling this way today. I can’t even imagine. My sister-in-law struggles with infertility, and I know how incredibly painful it has been for her. Prayers for you, mama.

    • Lauren December 10, 2016 at 10:12 pm - Reply

      I know.. That was actually one of the triggers for my mommy meltdown.. Our rates are more than doubling AND we don’t get any extra coverage.. and the things they added… Well that was a little bit of an arrow to my heart. Thank you for your kind words.

Leave A Comment

10 Comments

  1. Anonymous December 8, 2016 at 10:20 am - Reply

    Praying for you and Sean Lauren, and for the Lord’s beautiful plan for your family. ❤️

  2. Sarah December 8, 2016 at 11:01 am - Reply

    Hi Lauren. I am so sorry for your struggles, I can feel your pain through your writing. It must be heartbreaking. But , yes, you are lucky to be blessed with two little ones 🙂 This is one of my biggest fears in life, having trouble getting pregnant. I have PCOS and I’m scared it will be tough. My husband and I plan on trying within the next year, so I’m not sure what it’s going to be like. I guess I won’t know til we try! I’m just paranoid with my PCOS diagnosis. Anyway, just wanted to thank you for posting and allowing me to reach out with such intimate fears.

  3. lespetitsclarks December 8, 2016 at 3:47 pm - Reply

    Sending you some love today sweet mama. <3 Your babies are just gorgeous and you are too!!

    • Lauren December 10, 2016 at 10:21 pm - Reply

      You’re so sweet. Thank you

  4. jeeyoung | life + style December 8, 2016 at 7:35 pm - Reply

    All my love and prayers. Thanks for sharing your story. You are so amazing my friend.

    • Lauren December 10, 2016 at 10:23 pm - Reply

      Thank you so much JeeYoung! You’re so kind.

  5. The Mama Journey December 9, 2016 at 11:49 am - Reply

    You have such beautiful children! I am sorry your heart has to feel so heavy sweet lady. I hope you find the answer you’re searching for. ❤

    • Lauren December 10, 2016 at 10:23 pm - Reply

      Thank you so much for your supportive words! They mean so much

  6. lovinglittledixie December 9, 2016 at 1:52 pm - Reply

    Insurance rates are HORRIBLE right now, and definitely not “affordable.” I’m so sorry you are feeling this way today. I can’t even imagine. My sister-in-law struggles with infertility, and I know how incredibly painful it has been for her. Prayers for you, mama.

    • Lauren December 10, 2016 at 10:12 pm - Reply

      I know.. That was actually one of the triggers for my mommy meltdown.. Our rates are more than doubling AND we don’t get any extra coverage.. and the things they added… Well that was a little bit of an arrow to my heart. Thank you for your kind words.

Leave A Comment

Read more favorites